The Beginning

Everyone knows that Carson is my child, but not many people know the situation with Cameron. Justin and myself often get asked, "Who's the little boy in all of your pictures?" And then from there comes a whole other set of questions that are nearly impossible to answer in just a few minutes. I can't blame them for being curious, I would be too, and I don't mind answering the questions. So here's the beginning...


One sweet baby boy with an absentee mother and father is what I saw. One sweet baby boy that I could love. One sweet baby boy whose smile lit up the room. One sweet baby boy who I felt a calling to be around. That's what I saw. Others see him as a charity case, an obligation, or another item to cross off of a checklist, but not me. God chose to put that baby boy into my life for a reason. Whether it be to teach me a life lesson or something else, I have yet to figure it out. But here I am six years later, more confused than ever, and five years and six months ago I brought up adoption to my husband. From that moment I knew he would hold a special place in my heart and right then and there is when it all began.


North Carolina is where we spent a couple years that we saw as a road block from him. We couldn't just bring him with us 14 hours away. His guardian would never agree to that. And technically speaking, we aren't even blood related, so there goes the idea of court. Two years later we moved back home and two years and two months later began a whole new journey for us. A journey that began to be simple and sweet and what became exhausting and more of an emotional roller coaster than either of us could have ever imagined. The first time we ever got him is a day I'll never forget. The petting farm and cider and donuts and brand new shoes is what that October day consisted of. He only had rain boots to wear, so off to Meijer we went for tennis shoes. His face was bright and smiley all day. Going places outside of the tiny apartment complex was a rare occurrence for him and he was thrilled. His happiness is what brought me back each time. The time to Hines drive. The time to see Santa. The Easter bunny. The fireworks. The list goes on and on. He loved being with us and we loved being with him. It wasn't long before the little trips here and there turned into scheduled weekly visits. Soon we enrolled him in gymnastics and I specifically remember one conversation with him while we were leaving gymnastics that will forever be etched in my heart.

Me-"We're gonna stop by grandma and grandpas and then it's time for you to go home, okay?"
Him-"But I don't wanna go home."
Me-"Why bud?"
Him-"I just wanna go home never."

Those six words broke my heart.