Flashback

Now that I've discussed how it all got started once we moved back, let's go back to the beginning of the beginning.

Flashback to 2010. Justin was in North Carolina and I was at his family Christmas party. Cameron was two months old, but it was my first time meeting him. At 18 years old I was extremely shy, so there was no way I was going to ask to hold him despite how much I wanted to. Caite (Cameron's biological mother) needed to do something, so she asked me to hold him and I was ecstatic. I held him and took pictures and then a few more months went by before I seen him again. Between work and school things were just so busy and Caite and I never really talked, so it was rare that I seen her or him. At that time, Caite was around and cared for him on a regular basis.

Excuse the unflattering angle, but this is the only picture I have of the both of us from that day.

Fast forward a couple months to Cameron being 6 or 7 months old. Somewhere between the Christmas party and now was when Caite left and never returned. Beth, Caite's mother and Cameron's grandma, is who Cameron was left with and who now had guardianship of him. It was few and far between, but I seen Cameron here and there at family events for a little while. Knowing Cameron's situation with an absentee mother and father (his father has never been around) got me thinking about things. Justin and I were legally married at this point (only known by close family and friends), in the middle of wedding planning, Justin was house shopping for us in North Carolina, and in just a few short months I would be done with cosmetology school. Pretty soon we would be living together and starting a family of our own. We could give him a great life and siblings. I started thinking about adoption and brought it up to Justin and to my surprise, he was very open to it.

A few more months went by and I graduated cosmetology school and made the 14 hour road trip with one of my best friends and my car filled to the max to move to North Carolina with Justin. I stayed in North Carolina for just about a month before coming back to Michigan to finish up the final wedding arrangements, have my bachelorette party, and take my cosmetology licensing exams. Although wedding planning is very time consuming and stressful, being out of school and not working for the time being left me some extra time. That's when I decided that I wanted to go see him because I hadn't seen him in a couple of months and he was now 10 months old. At this point, I had never met Beth and only heard things through the grape vine, so I was a little hesitant. I believe it was Justin's stepfather (Bob) that gave me her number, but as awkward as it was, I called her and asked to see him. Without hesitation she gave me her address and we set up a day for me to go see him.

He wasn't into taking selfies that day.

The day came and I talked my sister into going with me, so I didn't have to go alone since Justin was still in North Carolina. Cameron was an extremely happy baby and I also took pictures that day. I don't remember how long we stayed for, but it was a good visit. But when I left, I couldn't help the feeling of wanting to do more. I wanted him to have a normal family. Beth's youngest child was a teenager and why would she want to start all over again? If she gave him to us she could play the normal role of grandma and he would still have a mother and father figure. Eventually, we would have children of our own and he would have siblings to grow up with. At this point in time it didn't seem likely that Caite would get him back. She had made it clear that they were struggling to support him, not to mention they didn't have a car. How would they take him to doctors appointments or eventually school? And other details came into play that we'll touch on at a later date. It just seemed like he would be so much better off with us. This time, I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to adopt him. I couldn't subside it, it just felt so right. So again, I brought it up to Justin. He was very on board and agreed that we needed to get the ball rolling on things so he wouldn't be too old when the process happened, if it could happen. I could not have been happier.

We talked to a few family members about our intentions and they all thought it was a great idea, but there was a "but" sentence after that. "But Beth will never give him to you." "But neither of you are blood related to Cameron, so court won't work." But, but, but. You see, Caite is Justin's sister, they grew up together since they were right around two and three years old. But here's where the "but" comes in, they're step brother and sister. Caite is Beth and Bob's child and Justin is Tanya and Wayland's child, so there is no blood relation. And that's where our plan got shattered. Had Justin not been in the military and had we stayed living in Michigan, we may have been able to approach the situation differently. But there was absolutely no way we would be able to take him 14 hours away from his guardian. She would never sign off on that.

The Beginning

Everyone knows that Carson is my child, but not many people know the situation with Cameron. Justin and myself often get asked, "Who's the little boy in all of your pictures?" And then from there comes a whole other set of questions that are nearly impossible to answer in just a few minutes. I can't blame them for being curious, I would be too, and I don't mind answering the questions. So here's the beginning...


One sweet baby boy with an absentee mother and father is what I saw. One sweet baby boy that I could love. One sweet baby boy whose smile lit up the room. One sweet baby boy who I felt a calling to be around. That's what I saw. Others see him as a charity case, an obligation, or another item to cross off of a checklist, but not me. God chose to put that baby boy into my life for a reason. Whether it be to teach me a life lesson or something else, I have yet to figure it out. But here I am six years later, more confused than ever, and five years and six months ago I brought up adoption to my husband. From that moment I knew he would hold a special place in my heart and right then and there is when it all began.


North Carolina is where we spent a couple years that we saw as a road block from him. We couldn't just bring him with us 14 hours away. His guardian would never agree to that. And technically speaking, we aren't even blood related, so there goes the idea of court. Two years later we moved back home and two years and two months later began a whole new journey for us. A journey that began to be simple and sweet and what became exhausting and more of an emotional roller coaster than either of us could have ever imagined. The first time we ever got him is a day I'll never forget. The petting farm and cider and donuts and brand new shoes is what that October day consisted of. He only had rain boots to wear, so off to Meijer we went for tennis shoes. His face was bright and smiley all day. Going places outside of the tiny apartment complex was a rare occurrence for him and he was thrilled. His happiness is what brought me back each time. The time to Hines drive. The time to see Santa. The Easter bunny. The fireworks. The list goes on and on. He loved being with us and we loved being with him. It wasn't long before the little trips here and there turned into scheduled weekly visits. Soon we enrolled him in gymnastics and I specifically remember one conversation with him while we were leaving gymnastics that will forever be etched in my heart.

Me-"We're gonna stop by grandma and grandpas and then it's time for you to go home, okay?"
Him-"But I don't wanna go home."
Me-"Why bud?"
Him-"I just wanna go home never."

Those six words broke my heart.